Emotions at Home, in Schools, and at Work
©️2021 Andrew Seubert
Emotional Avoidance and Dishonesty
Emotional avoidance and dishonesty damages every and any aspect of our lives, from childhood at home, through years of schooling and into the work world. What we learn at home before attending school is the basis for how we relate to others and how we approach problem solving. And by the time we enter the work force and professional life, our patterns are set.
Emotions AT HOME
A major impetus in authoring The Courage to Feel was seeing how the absence of emotional competence at home, particularly during the early attachment years, led to innumerable problems down the road, not only psychological, but physical as well, since the mind, body and emotions are, in fact, all equal and necessary parts of one system. A child’s emotional world, encouraged by parents and caregivers, is the basis for a healthy and confident sense of a Self. However, if parents never had emotional competence modeled, they cannot pass it on. The need for emotional awareness and expertise is ubiquitous.
Emotions in School
Grade school and high school become the next opportunities for teaching our children the power and peace of emotional competence, particularly in high school when students experience the importance of and desire for intimate relationship. Having taught The Courage to Feel to several high school classes (mostly juniors and seniors), it was no wonder that they were having such difficulties with both parents and peers. Very few were aware of their feelings, and fewer still were able to share their unarguable emotional truth. Yet, this was no surprise, given the lack of emotional education at home and in the classrooms.
Emotions in the Workplace
With this track record, no wonder there are so many difficulties in the workplace later in life. We carry our histories and our relational patterns to work. Businesses and corporations will tell employees, directly or nonverbally, to leave their emotions at the door. But, as human beings, we bring our feelings with us. Of course, we need to learn to manage our feelings, which is thoroughly addressed in The Courage to Feel, but we also need to listen to them and be honest about them at the workplace. In a chapter entitled Emotions at Work, I describe how emotional ignorance and avoidance feed a negative work culture, which in turn negatively affects efficiency and production.
Cost of Emotional Incompetence
As long as we ignore the impact of emotional incompetence and dishonesty, we will continue to feed the legacy of misunderstanding, damaged relationships and toxic workplace cultures. Emotions are crucial to our functioning as humans and must be addressed at home, in school and at work. It is the mission of The Courage to Feel and its sequel for children, How Simon Left His Shell: The courage to feel for young people, to help change this legacy.
A Practical Guide to the Power and Freedom of Emotional Honesty
Andrew Seubert, LMHC, NCC
