An Interview with Bill Eddy: Calming Upset People with EAR Ongoing Blog Series Part 3

In this ongoing series of blogs over the next 4 weeks, Bill Eddy discusses his newly published book Calming Upset People with EAR and how this approach to communication can change a high-stress situation in minutes.

5.     Do these statements always work to calm people down?

From my experience and other High Conflict Institute trainers and staff over the past dozen years or so, they calm people down at least 90% of the time in different cultures around the world. They are not perfect and there are always some people who really want to stay upset. But they are definitely worth using because most people really like hearing statements that show them empathy, attention, and respect. Since we all need that, they almost always work.

6.     How can we use EAR statements in polarizing political discussions?

Political polarization occurs at a distance when thinking about people far away who we are not speaking to directly most of the time. If people want to reduce polarization, it is very simple. Talke turns listening to each other and then give each other EAR Statements regarding what you have heard. For example: “I hear your frustration when people say XYZ about your group. Its always hard when something like that happens. I want to listen and understand more about your experience being someone with ABC characteristics.” Research shows that when people actually talk directly in small groups or one-to-one, that they reduce their feelings of polarization, often soften their differences on political issues after hearing each other’s experiences, and sometimes even like each other. There’s examples of that in the book. 

Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and has become an expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a licensed clinical social worker therapist with twelve years’ experience.